Things You Should Not Say To A Judge

October 3rd, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

1. “I got your community service right here pal!”

2. “Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on.”

3. “You couldn’t carry Wapner’s gavel you moron!”

4. “You’re not as easy to buy as others said you were.”

5. “No you robe wearing geek.”

6. “I don’t suppose there’s a “You get me off, I get you off” type of deal out there?”

7. “Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?”

Signs You’re Out of Shape

October 3rd, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

1. You’ve ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.

2. People at work only refer to you by saying “Hey fatso!”

3. You’ve thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.

4. Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.

5. Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.

6. You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin’ To The Oldies.

7. You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.

8. Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.

9. The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the jeans rack and whispers “Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby”

ADDICTED TO MYSPACE?!?!

October 3rd, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

You know you’re addicted to Myspace when:

1. You are at a bar or club and you suddenly realize you recognize someone. You can’t figure out how and then it dawns on you… You have never met this person before, but have spent a considerable amount of time looking at their Myspace.

2. After meeting someone your conversation somehow leads to – “So, are you on Myspace?”

3. You do not call people anymore, you post comments and send messages through Myspace

4. When talking about one of your friends you just refer to them as ‘Brandonisforlovers’ rather than their real name.

5. When you’re out with friends and you take a good picture you exclaim loudly, “That’s going on Myspace!”

6. Conversations with friends tend to lead to, “Did you read that bulletin/comment/ or see that new picture ‘Cuddlemaria’ left?”

7. You check your Myspace as soon as you wake up, and right before you go to bed, including the 10 times you check it during the day

8. You know people who have gotten offended about the Top 8.

9. You start off intending to check if you have new messages/comments but find AN HOUR LATER that you are still on and have no idea what you even accomplished during that time except stalk.

Wow! Times have changed!

October 3rd, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

1902 HISTORY

100 YEARS AGO

The year is 1902 , one hundred years ago … what a difference a century makes. Here are the U.S. statistics for 1902.

1.The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47).

2.Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.

3.Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

4.There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.

5.The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

6.Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

7.The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

8.The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.

9.The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

10.A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

11.More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.

12.Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as “substandard.”

13.Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.

14.Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

15.Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.

16.The five leading causes of death in the US were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke

17.The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn’t been admitted to the Union yet.

18.The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.

19.Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented.

20.There were no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

21.One in ten US adults couldn’t read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

22.Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”

23.Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

24.There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.

As they say, “We’ve come a long way, Baby

Things you should know but probably didn’t

October 3rd, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

1 . Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a “tittle”.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down
continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The ’spot’ on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was
albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system; a few ounces
will
kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s
stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (not Arbonne!)

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear
pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named ‘upper’ and ‘lower’ because
in
the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters,
the
‘upper case’ letters were stored in the case on top of the case that
stored
the smaller, ‘lower case’ letters.

17. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other
at
the same time (hence, multi-tasking was invented.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II
were
made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never
a
recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange,
purple,
and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to
paint Mona Lisa’s lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad
and
sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” was a
Captain
Kirk’s mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have
$1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being
able

to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink
in
quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law,which
stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your
thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player
for
automobiles At that time, the most known player on the market was the
Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece
of
celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It’s the same with
apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most
often
stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a space suit damages it

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . “Boy, I feel a lot
safer
now that she’s behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still
walking
around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America
willing
to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her fanny off to jail.”

« Previous Entries Next Entries »