October 31st, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”.

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

October 31st, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

Top 16 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans

16. We’re working on that smell thing, too.

15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.

14. As seen on “COPS”

13. If We’d Known You Were Staying All Night, We’d Have Changed the Sheets

12. Not just for nooners anymore.

11. We left off the 9, but you know it’s there.

10. You rented the room, now buy the video.

9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn’t have money left over for a hooker.

8. We’ll leave the Lysol for ya!

7. Hey, we’re not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!

6. We don’t make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*

5. It’s Hookerriffic!

4. Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins

3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art since 1962!

2. Cheap and Easy — Just Like Your Mother

and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan…

1. We put the “Ho” in “Motel”

October 31st, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

There are a few common habits resulting from stupidity that are often seen in many local McDonald’s* drive-thrus across America. I would like to educate the public with a few quick and easy tips that will make McDonald’s employees’ jobs a little bit easier and a lot less frustrating!

1. When ordering a meal, don’t say: “super size me”!
That “coincidently” stopped when “super size me” the movie came out, sorry to disappoint all you pigs out there.

2. When the order taker asks you to “please wait one moment”, please wait. You impatient fat pig! Don’t assume that we said “order now, you fat lard”! ‘Cus we didn’t!

3. While we’re on the subject of waiting, when you pull up to the window don’t shout “HELLO!” we can hear you perfectly fine, you numb skull! We will take your order as soon as we’re ready.

4. Another important thing to remember when you’re near the microphone, be careful of what you say. We can hear EVERYTHING that goes on in your car! So, next time you decide to turn around inside your car and smack your kids up, wait until you get home. We don’t want to hear another episode of Jerry Springer going on live, via McDonald’s microphone.

5. When ordering in the drive-thru please know that we speak English and we expect you to speak English also, so learn it! Muchas Gracias! Have a nice day!

6. While we’re on the subject of speaking good English; for all of you foreigners, who might not speak English too well, please carefully enunciate your words. Trust me no body wants a “bijj smack” instead of a “Big Mac”. But, if you really want a “bijj smack”, we can give you a “bijj smack”. Free of charge! Just promptly pull up to the window, stick your head out of your window as far as it will go, you’ll soon feel a sharp (and quick) pain in your face. Enjoy!

7. Another helpful hint: they have a menu outside so you can decide what you want to order when you pull up to the window, BEFORE you get to the window (duh!). It’s very annoying when you ask someone what they would like to order and they say “uhhhhhhh…”! So please look at the menu first, maybe you could try staring at it, or even try reading it! What a good idea! Captain Obvious will be very proud!

8. For all you homies out there. Don’t come into the drive thru with your big flashy SUV’s, with your $5000 rims, and order the 3 most popular items on the dollar menu: the double cheeseburger, mcchicken sandwich, and small fries. You’re not rich, and you’re not “gangsta”! Ya gay!

9. Don’t come into the drive-thru and ask for some free “hook ups”! We don’t know you, or care about you, so why would we care to “hooks you up”? There’s a homeless shelter, 3 blocks over and 1 block down, ya cheapskate!

10. When you come up to the window and have already paid for your food, don’t ask if you can add something! You were supposed to decide what you wanted to order when you took those long 5 minutes trying to decide on your order (duhhh!). (Be sure to make a note of number 7, also)

11. Another wise choice you can try making next time. Don’t order a number one large and ask for a diet coke! It really doesn’t do you that much good; and if you’re going to be that much of a pig, you might as well go the whole nine yards!

12. And last, but not least! Don’t come back after you went through the drive-thru over 2 hours ago and say the food wasn’t up to your “quality of standard”, we see you here all the time.
Jerk! It must not have been that bad if you ate it, you fat lard! McDonald’s is about “fast food”. We never said anything about it tasting good. Fricken’ idiots, gosh!

“Thankyou! [smile] Please DON’T come again, and have a great day!”

*McDonald’s does not know of this and probably wouldn’t endorse it in any way.
**Repost this or else Ronald McDonald will murder you with bijj smacks (not big macs) in 27 hours, 13 minutes, and 56 seconds!!!!!!
***This bulletin wasn’t meant to be offensive, it was meant to educate the stupid people of this country.
**** This bulletin is almost completely grammatically correct.

October 31st, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

>>A girl and a guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a
>>
>>motorcycle…
>>
>>
>>
>>Girl: Slow down, I’m scared.
>>
>>Guy: No, this is fun.
>>
>>Girl: No it’s not. Please it’s too scary!
>>
>>Guy: Then tell me you love me.
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>>Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
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>>Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. (Girl hugs him)
>>
>>Guy: Can you take my
>>helmet off and put it on yourself? It’s
>>
>>bugging me.
>>
>>
>>
>>In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building
>>
>>because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 had
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>>survived.
>>
>>
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>>The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his
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>>brakes broke, but he didn’t want to let the girl know. Instead, he
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>>had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, and then
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>>he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it
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>>meant that he would die. If u love any one this
>>much…let them
>>
>>know…before it’s too late… I love you 4 ever…..and always 2
>>
>>the end….i cant live without ya….b-cuz ur my friend…..

October 31st, 2008 by MySpace Bulletins

You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender…….

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the
wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they’re soft,
squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male, didn’t you? But consider this – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to
push, he keeps trying!